Movie and Film Reviews

The A-Team

2010-07-30T11:47:23Z

We all look back at things in our past with those rose tinted glasses of nostalgia and as this is film site i'm obviously referring to those things we see on screen. I have many a friend who fondly remembers the A-Team and their little faces light up when they recall sitting on the sofa in the 80's to watch the adventures of Hannibal and his crew of ex soldiers. The reality? We had four fucking channels to choose from and this was the only fucking thing on at around teatime on a saturday. I thought it was pretty shite so maybe I'm not ideal for a review of this modern update of an 80's favourite.

The Collector

2010-06-24T20:33:36Z

It's easy to bracket a film with one of the medias silly names and in recent years my favourite has been torture porn. I mean really what the fuck is torture porn? Are we talking leather, nipple clamps and paddles for spanking or are they really referring to films like Hostel, Saw and Martyrs. I for one don't give a flying fuck for titles made up for genres. Surely torture porn isn't a new fucking concept as for those of us who have watched films for many years will tell you the likes of I Spit On Your Grave, Cannibal Holocaust and Last House On The Left would surely be also classed as torture porn. All I'm saying is certain types of cinema are not really new just variations on general themes.

A Nightmare On Elm Street

2010-05-18T14:04:47Z

The modern audience has completely fucking ruined the horror film. My favourite genre is sinking into a hole the size of the Grand canyon and I'm getting fucked off with it. Thankfully Asia and Europe are still providing some choice cuts but Hollywood is ruining every fucking classic known to man. A Nightmare On Elm Street is yet another example of how a classic has been bound and gagged and butt fucked by a bunch of preening producers, talentless script writers and pretty twenty somethings with the acting skills of a spider monkey. I fucking love Wes Cravens original and upon its release I remember being genuinely scared of the horrifically scarred Freddy who hunts and kills the children of Elm Street in their dreams and in awe of the originality of it. So how do you remake a classic.

Iron Man 2

2010-04-29T16:20:35Z

So as you already know I'm a bit of a comic book fan so after enjoying the first film nearly as much as a lathered up orgy in the Playboy mansion I was very fucking much looking forward to the second installment of this Marvel franchise. The first film was just fucking brilliant with Downey Jnr cast to perfection as billionaire weapons manufacturer Tony Stark and as I'm sure many of you know this current crop of Marvel films are a build up to The Avengers film due in around 2012. So I guess the big fucking question is whether number 2 hits the fucking spot again?

Kill Bill Vol 1 - BluRay Review

2010-03-22T14:24:44Z

So as promised here is my first BluRay review. I've had a player for awhile now but to be honest haven't been arsed to use it so with my trusty credit card I went and brought a shitload of films on BluRay and am now truly fucking converted. In these reviews (they'll be a couple a month) I'll give you the normal type review of the film plus a little bit of shit on the extras and the image quality. As I don't hide I am a bit of a Tarantino fan so what better way to kick it all off than with Kill Bill Vol 1. As a lover of Asian cinema this to me is the ultimate homage to all those fucking great films that have come out from the likes of Japan and Hong Kong over the years.

Shutter Island

2010-03-20T11:07:32Z

I've never been a Leonardo DiCaprio fan. I don't know why exactly but maybe its because the women fucking love him or he seems to get away with growing the worst fucking bum fluff beards and people accept it as a mature performance. I think what really fucking irritates me about him though is the fact that he's in some really fucking good films. What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Quick And The Dead, Blood Diamond, Romeo And Juliet, The Basketball Diaries and of course Critters 3-You Are What You Eat are just a few films he's starred in but it's his collaborations with Scorcese that have really brought the best out in him. The likes of Gangs Of New York and The Departed showed him in a new light and Shutter Island I have to say is probably his best performance to date.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

2010-03-17T17:17:06Z

Since I have entered the life of a single father and that of a single man I have found it rather fucking difficult to organise my life. It seems I just can't fucking adjust to the difference in lifestyle. Aside from the days that I have my son with me I just can't fucking get used to the simple things like spending three hours on the PS3 without so much as a "I want to watch Eastenders now" or "that new Belgian reality show Come Dine With Fritz is just about to start". No the freedom is somewhat confusing but as I grow more and more used to I realise it's fucking liberating! So with that in mind having had the boy picked up from me at lunchtime I jumped in the car and drove to MK to watch The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I rarely attend the cinema for the early afternoon showings and I realised quickly why. It's like a fucking waiting room for heaven. All I can say is thank fuck this film had subtitles because with all the fucking coughing and wheezing I couldn't hear a fucking thing. Oh to own a gun.

Green Zone

2010-03-16T07:10:55Z

While fruitlessly searching for weapons of mass destruction in war-torn Iraq, Chief Warrant Officer, Roy Miller (Matt Damon), begins to realise that the intelligence upon which his search is based may not be all it’s cracked up to be. However, when a tip-off from a local brings Miller face-to-face with a high-ranking Iraqi General, he stumbles across evidence that threatens to undermine the US invasion.

Alice In Wonderland

2010-03-09T18:47:46Z

Why is it that every 3D film is so popular that it takes ages to seat everyone and they keep the sound down and lights up for the fucking trailers. I look forward to seeing those trailers on the big screen especially in 3D. But you can't see shit with the lights on. Start letting people in earlier you twats so I can watch the trailers in peace.

Right. Alice in 3D from Tim Burton - on paper that alone means this film will be awesome. Unluckily it wasn't to be so. It's a shame because I'm a big Tim Burton fan and don't think he's done much wrong really in the past, but this film is a real let down.

The Horseman

2010-03-05T08:58:34Z

It's fucking Friday so I thought what better way to start the weekend than with a review of nasty Austrailian revenge flick The Horseman. Before I get started I thought I'd show the sypnosis that's on IMDB. "A tender drama unfolds between a grieving father and a troubled teenage girl as they drive northbound along the quiet outback roads of Australia..." There is more to it than that and when I read that I was like fuck did they watch the same film? It does mention that she doesn't know he's stopping off to kill people along the way but to be honest that is a fucking understatement.