Bronson

Okay this film has so much to comment on I can't possibly include everything, but I will take this opportunity to say that anyone who has not seen this movie should fucking watch this. It has been described by others as a Clockwork Orange for the 21st century. I know there are many of you fuckers out there that fucking hated Clockwork, but this movie does have that surreal feel to it. Tom Hardy (Band of Brothers, Inception) stars as Charles "Charlie" Bronson. By the way Hardy is the fucking man. His performance in this movie probably served as a breakout role for him. If it didn't then there are some really fucking idiotic people in the movie making industry.

The beginning includes narration by Charles Bronson as always wanting to be famous. The opening musical score was right fucking on. Its soothing melody was juxtaposed against the violent scenes of prison life. Bronson described himself, "I wasn't bad. I wasn't bad bad. I still had my principles." The film follows the life of notorious prisoner Michael Gordon Peterson, who was re-named Charles Bronson by his fight promoter. The story begins with school officials knocking on the door of Peterson's parent's house after Peterson attacked one of his teachers and his Mum promptly slams the fucking door in their faces. As a young man, he gets his first job at a restaurant, gets fed up with the fucking system early on, takes money from the register and goes home. When confronted by the police at home, Peterson goes apeshit and brawls with the two officers who arrive to take him into custody. The scenes are broken by Bronson narrating the story handcuffed in a blue jumpsuit. The violence is watered down by his apparent light-heartedness of what he's done in his past.

Later when he gets married and has a child, he narrates, "Tough times to be young in England. Not a lot of opportunity around. Still, life moves on. Irene and I got hitched. It was alright. We didn't have it bad for a couple from the Chippy, but they don't give you a star on the walk of fame for not paying, do they?" Cut to scene of Bronson sawing a double-barrel shotgun off. "So this is the Post Office I did over," Cut to the exterior of a nondescript postal storefront, "this is what I got away with," cut to a camera shot of a pile of fucking chump-change on a desktop, "and this is what they gave me," cut once again to a Judge sentencing Bronson to seven years. His fucking Mum blurts out in court, "Don't worry son. You've been given seven, you'll be out in four!" What a cunt.

His wife visits him in the slammer and like most prison visits, it reminds the incarcerated of what he's missing on the outside. He's escorted back to his cell and we see him from behind sobbing into his hands. This is where the fucking movie takes a creative lurch forward. Bronson is then shown in mime makeup laughing before a live audience. "I had you going! I've always fancied myself as a bit of a comedian. But seven years is a long time. Now I'm not going to tell you that prison is 'not bad' - no! That would be misrepresenting myself and I think enough of that has been done already! Don't you?! You see I didn't see a cell as a cage or a box! To me it was a hotel room."

Fade to Bronson pacing a cell like an animal, "Don't get me wrong. For most people, prison is tough. Though not in this nightmare! Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year of living, breathing hell! But for me prison was finally a place where I could sharpen my tools, hone my skills. S'like it was an opportunity and a place where soon every native was gonna know my name." Cut to Bronson sitting in a leather workshop in prison. The instructor approaches Bronson and tries to give him instruction, which prompts a reply of, "Fuck off!" from Bronson. The instructor walks away and guards approach our prison specimen.

"What's the problem, Peterson?"

"Problem?" Peterson says, feigning looking befuddled.

"I said, what's the problem, Peterson?

"I don't know, I don't have a problem," At which point of course it's a balls to the fucking wall, ass holes and elbows brawl. Like most non-conformist inmates, Peterson has on his side the element of surprise but is soon overcome by the sheer numbers of the prison guards. Naturally he gets the absolute shit beat out of him, but soon is returned to his cell bright-eyed and bushy-fucking-tailed, complete with shit-eating grin.

Okay the next scene baffled me but hey maybe it's more juxtaposition of normal UK tradition against the abnormality of prison life. Mofucka offers a guard tea with cream and in walks some apparently slimy fucker who compliments Peterson's "guns" and he eludes to boxing through his clever dialogue. Most could come to deduce that this piece of shit was a prison boxing promoter which, of course, caught the attention of Peterson. Cut back to mime-faced Peterson before a live audience.

"But time stops for no man, ladies and germs and my time was comin' up! And just when I was about to make a name to be reckoned with!

"As what?" the crowd retorted.

"As what!? You don't want to be trapped inside with me sunshine. Inside I'm someone nobody wants to fuck with, do you understand? I'm Charlie Bronson! I'm Britain's most violent prisoner!"

There was one other scene that has been burned into my fucking twisted mind worth mentioning: It was one of the instances of Bronson taking the prison librarian hostage in his cell. Clearly the librarian is petrified with fear of Bronson, who orders him to grease his backside down after completely fucking disrobing in preparation for the guards coming in to subdue him. " I said on my arse, not in my arse, you fuckin' homo!" This scene was tremendously comical, Bronson displaying his fucking hair-trigger mentality by ordering the librarian around like a fucking military drill instructor.

From there the movie shows stills of kicking ass and taking names and of Bronson saying how he loved prison life. It was "madness at its very best." This movie is about the unrepentant ways of a bona fide fucking recidivist and his adventures in the UK prison system. It is put together in an artistic, creative and innovative way that was refreshing to me. Make no mistake: this fucker of a movie was not put together in a way that made prison staff look foolish. This numb nut got the absolute bollocks stomped off him each time he rebelled. It just seems he was the pit bull terrier of prison life in his time. If for no other reason you clods should see this picture to see Tom Hardy's fucking brilliant performance.

Five billy clubs to the head and thrown into solitary out of 5

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