Bitch Slap

Now I think it's important to clear a couple of things up before we go any further into my review of Bitch Slap. On the surface Bitch Slap is pretty shit and if you're a big fan of mainstream cinema then I really wouldn't watch this and I have to add I'm sick of repeating myself on this Fuck Off from our blog you're not welcome here. Yes we like the mainstream but for fucks sake how many more uneducated pricks are there out there. I always judge a film on what it is i.e the money spent on it, the quality of the actors etc etc. An example would be Avatar. Now I thought it was a fantastic piece of cinema but for the cost that is equivalent to the debt of a third world country I wouldn't expect anything fucking less. If however you strip away it's prettiness it's actually got a rather turgid storyline and as is common place in Mr Camerons films some of the dialogue is just fucking shite. You could not for example compare Avatar to John Carpenters 1974 low budget sci-fi film Dark Star although they're the same genre. I hope you simpletons therefore understand that I will judge a low budget film on it's merits compared to other low budget films and not to a multi million dollar film.

Well moving on from that what the fuck is Bitch Slap about? Three rather hot women are in the desert and they have a man in the boot of their car. They obviously end up killing him and a cop turns up wondering what the fuck is going on. Do you know what fuck it who cares what it's about. There's something to do with a cache of diamonds, a mysterious hard as fuck criminal called Pinky and a stolen government weapon but none of it matters because Bitch Slap is about women. Tits, legs, bums, lesbian sex, girl on girl fighting, strippers the list is just endless. This film is what the Snake would lock himself away in a room for with a tub of Vaseline and a box of tissues. It is badly acted, has some awful dialogue but after about five minutes I'd stopped noticing as I was fixated on the bouncing cleavage in front of me. I mean for fucks sake they're in the middle of nowhere and they get dirty so have a water fight....in slo mo! This is the best film ever!

I'm honest enough to admit that with my current life situation I'm pretty much steering clear of "serious" films and it's been a fucking revelation as I'm just watching enjoyable tosh. Bitch Slap will obviously draw comparisons to the likes of Faster, Pussycat. Kill! Kill!, Supervixen and other Russ Meyer classics and that's fair enough as director Rick Jacobson obviously respects this type of cinema but it's worth mentioning that this man has some past experience with slo mo breast bouncing as he used to direct Baywatch. The few men in the film are generally there to be beaten up or killed and is just all about the women. The three main characters Hel (the femme fatale), Trixie (the stripper) and Camero (fucking psycho) who fuck each other, fight and blow shit up. In fact Camero reminded me somewhat of my first wife, but just the psycho part.

Bitch Slap is in no way as good as last years excellent Blaxplotation homage Black Dynamite but it is fucking fun and if your internet is down it would provide relief in many ways. As I said it's all about the tits really and the fights are fucking awesome. You won't find that in your town centre on a Saturday. Well you might but not with good looking women. You will either fucking love this film or hate it and think it's fucking stupid but fuck you because in my eyes any film that can fit in a reference to Honduran Snuff Sex has got to be worth your time. So as Camero says to Hel "I'm going to booty bang, bitch slap your fucking ass".

I'm Shallow So Watch it for The Tits out of 5

Comments

[Hollow Snake]

Sounds like my kinda film! We all need some bouncing titty action every now and again...

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