In 1972 Wes Craven burst on to the horror scene with The Last House On The Left a revenge film which for its time was brutal and uncompromising. Of course it had faults. The acting and script were far from perfect and to be honest it was far from his best work but as a first film it gave us a glimpse of the man who would one day give us Freddy Kruger and a mask that appeared to be based on Edvard Munchs' The Scream. Genre defining it was and although dated now it has a certain nostalgic feel to the genuine horror fan and I can only fucking imagine what the reaction would have been upon its release. Of course it goes without saying that one day the blood sucking fucking money hounds of Hollywood would have to remake it for the simple chav like minds of the modern audience. So was it worth remaking? We'll get to that in a minute as I suppose those of you who live in caves may need to know what its about.

A gang of criminals led by the formidable Krug Garret Dillahunt kidnap and brutally assault two girls before taking refuge in a house owned by one of the girls parents. Of course they discover what they have done to their little girl and extract a bloody and brutal revenge. Now in the original film Krug was played by David Hess who was in no way a great actor but in 1972 was sinister enough to pull off such a pivotal role. Garret on the other hand is about as fucking believable as Michael Jackson completing all his gigs at the O2. It also worth noting that in 1972 the Vietnam war was on and the original slashed in news snippets to reflect this. This remake just seems to serve no purpose not unlike nipples on a man. Horror has moved on in recent years and to be honest all these fucking remakes are driving me fucking insane. As I hit my teens and started to sink into the depths of films like The Evil Dead, Night Of The Demons, Nightmare On Elm Street and Last House on the Left the thing that drew me in was that they felt dirty, nasty and sometimes very funny but always uncompromising. Now its all so fucking clean and shiny. The digital age has done fuck all for horror except encourage remake after remake. I appreciate in some ways that it may open these films up to those who haven't seen the originals but sometimes its just best to leave well alone. Texas Chainsaw anyone?

This remake isn't the worst I've ever fucking seen but its not a fucking classic thats for sure. As I watched the original I remember feeling fucking sick in my stomach when Krug and his gang assault the two girls. The hand held camera feel and bad picture made it so real and fucking disturbing like waking up naked, painted blue and in your nans bed. This updated paint by numbers fucking remake just felt tedious like people going on about fucking global warming all the time. Who truely gives a fuck if the polar caps are melting! Cinema should always be a progression like all media and I'm not saying things shouldn't be remade but if a film, piece of music etc defined a genre then please just leave it fucking alone! All the great horror films define themselves through their originality or a fresh take on an old idea. Remakes are generally a load of bollocks and I call now for some new fucking ideas.

Would I recommend this film to cinema goers? Well suprisingly yes, but on the condition that you wear a baseball cap, talk all the way through it and drive a Vauxhall Corsa. I then can go and watch a decent fucking film without you chav wankers there.

Like Bowel Cancer Not something I Want to Sit Through out of 5