Midnight Movie

Jack Messit is a talented man. Sorry don't you know who Jack Messitt is, the cinematographer on such classic fare as So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol- Search For a Superstar. Camera Operator from Bones and Campus Ladies. No? I'm surprised. Somewhere in the US someone made a decision. Lets give some money to someone to make a film. After a heated discussion on wether Betty the fucking tea lady could handle the pressure of a budget someone suggested the cameraman. Great fucking move. So Jack Messitt goes from nobody to somebody and probably after this to fucking unemployed.

Midnight Movie begins in a mental hospital as a patient there Radford (Arthur Roberts) is to be shown the film he made which drove him to kill. Left alone in a series of contrived blunders when a doctor returns the next day he finds a bloody mess at the hospital but no sign of Radford. Shock horror! Five years later and a cinema is about to show a midnight showing of his film The Dark Beneath. Our collection of cannon fodder arrive at the flea pit cinema to watch the cult classic. Little do they know that their worst nightmare is about to become real.

Now I would love to tell you that this was a great piece of horror cinema but it wasn't. It was poor. Very fucking poor. The cast were a mixed bunch of now you see them now you don't actors and the script was obviously written by a 9 year old baboon with one eye. Now the idea is actually not to bad. When the film is shown the killer starts to appear and we get this pretty good sequence where the original black and white film is playing before our eyes. The director obviously knows horror films and no doubt likes them but where he gets small segments right on the button it is the majority of the film that he seems to ignore. The heroine of the story is Bridget played by Rebekah Brandes and I can assure you she is shit. Her next role is screaming fan in The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Movie. Such caliber of talent. If you filled a bucket with shit, poured ice cream into it and 3 cats heads you could mix up more fucking talent.

As people are slaughterd by a killer who says I smell fear and uses what can only be described as a giant corkscrew their deaths appear on the screen of the cinema. A film with in a film. See not that bad an idea. It just doesn't fucking work. This is as much fun as a package holiday on the Gaza Strip. After what seemed like 6 hours they finally realise that what they are watching is real and decide to fight back. More corkscrew deaths to enjoy. As each is killed they end up trapped in the film and we move towards an enthralling climax. This is shit, shit, shit and a bit more shit. I would rather sit through sunday dinner with my grandparents, surrounded by dancing monkeys while on acid and carving my own face off with a broken glass.

Avoid Like A Thai Ladyboy out of 5