First Drunken Review - Lost Boys Lost Tribe

Click to enlargeThanks for the introduction Mr Fuck Off. Now, I've managed to put my bottle of cheap cider down for a minute and stumbled out of the bus station to give you my first review. A review with a warning. Whatever you do don't FUCKING watch Lost Boys The Tribe. It is a big fucking steaming heap of freshly laid monkey shit.

I grew up in the 80's and loved those cheesy flicks. Why I thought this would bring enjoyment I don't know.  Next time I'll just gouge my eyeballs out with a teaspoon. If your over 35 you may even love the original. This is just like it but shite. The story is this... A disgraced surfer named Troy or something played with real conviction by Tad Hilgenbrinck moves to "Blackpool" along with sister Nicole ( Autumn Reeser). I think its important to tell you she doesn't get her tits out so you can't even knock one out to relieve the boredom. The Lost Boys hang out, bite people etc, take Nicole, Troy rescues her, Vampires die, the end. It really is fucking shit.

A name for the future is  Angus Sutherland the actor who plays Shane leader of the Costo Boys. An actor so talented that it gave me fond memories of a half eaten Big Mac I found in a bin outside Woolies last tuesday. Best meal in ages. I digress. Really a performance up there with Keanu in Dracula. Really, that good.

Click to enlargeTo make it worse Corey Feldman pops up as Edgar Froggett. Why Corey, why? A long time as passed since Stand By Me and it fucking shows! Everything about this film is crusty cock cheese. The transformations include facemasks from Lidl and fangs from the pick and mix. A fucking retarded Ed Wood could do better effects.

 I fucking hate this film. I can't write anymore because there's nothing worth writing about and Pissant Sally as just cracked open a fresh bottle of QC sherry.  If you do insist on watching this, think carefully before you do and then just throw yourself on a fucking stake.

Drunkenmaster...... Watching shit films so you don't have to.