Film Review - The Happening
Friday, June 13, 2008 at 09:54AM Do what I did, watch the trailer for The Happening first:
Okay answer me this, how fucking cool does this film look? Mass suicide, no one knows why, fucking cool! People throwing themselves off buildings, under lawn-mowers, crashing cars, woot woot!!! Even better the star is Marky Mark who is always fucking great.
For weeks I had been pissing myself with excitement to see The Happening, but as the film drew nearer all I was reading was shit reviews, 1 and 2 stars everywhere. Fuck them, they are all wrong, I am still going so I grabbed my wench and dragged her down to the shitty Cineworld in Bedford.
And guess what, IT WAS SHIT!!!
It all started well, straight into the action, people killing themselves all over the place, brilliant. I even liked it when Marky Mark and his funky bunch of students were talking science crap until he stands up and claims some bollocks along the lines of 'All science is theory, the reality is there are some things which happen which we can never understand' huh! WTF!
Still bear with it, off they go setting about leaving the city, I was still enjoying myself at this point until the film shot itself in the left nipple and introduced us to crazy Mr plant nursery owner. WHAT A PRICK! Basically when they were leaving the city they hopped on a train (in the middle of this there is a load of bollocks about Marky Mark and his chick not getting on at the moment, blah blah blah fucckkk offf), anyway the train stops in the middle of nowhere and they all jump off and get told they are not going anywhere as they have lost contact with 'EVERYONE' aghhhhh. Still, like I say I was still enjoying myself at this point.
Anyway fast forward a few minutes when everyone decides to leave this shitty little town and escape to the state boarder where it is safe. The only person who will give him a ride is the said crazy plant surgery dickhead who has this strange theory that it is the plants attacking them, oh god please kill me now. Not only would it have been much fucking better if no one had known why but we also would not of had to sit through the most ridiculous scene where he goes into his surgery and talks to his plants and then tell us that 'Plants can hear and understand us'. Well if plants are so fucking clever why don't they fucking grow fists and fight back when we chop them down. Plants can't hear us you dickhead, now take your hot dogs and shove them up your arse.
The Happening is completely retarded from this point onwards, from the women who lets her daughter die on speaker phone so everyone can hear to them all out running the plant virus across a field. At this point my wench is fast asleep next to me admitting it was shit yet I battled through to the end, why the fuck did I bother. Suddenly the plants stop attacking and Marky Mark's wife finds out she is pregnant.
M. Night Shyamalan has brought us some great films such as The Sixth Sense and The Village but The Happening is truly shocking, apparently his last film Lady In The Water is equally as bad, I won't be seeing that. I have a theory, basically Mr Night wants us all dead so he made a film so bad that we all walk out of the cinema and kill ourselves.
Arse out of 5!
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Other reviews of The Happening
Rotten Tomotoes The Happening Review
Channel 4 The Happening Review
Timeout The Happening Review
Empire Online The Happening Review
Total Film The Happening Review
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Other links for The Happening
The Happening official website
The Happening IMDb page
The Happening Wikipedia page
M. Night Shyamalan IMDb page
M. Night Shyamalan official site
Mark Wahlberg IMDb page
Mark Wahlberg official site
Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - You Tube
Reader Comments (6)
It would seem that Mr. Shyamalan has gone from genius to bellend in one movie. I don't count Lady in the Water. Everyone is due a pass once, that and I'm trying desperately to erase it from my fucking memory. However, I wouldn't call this a "shit movie". Calling The Happening a shit movie is an insult to shit movies.
The reason everyone kills themselves is because they can't stand to be in this movie either.
i got to the shitty cineworld cinema in bedford too!!
maybe it was just the crappy surroundings that made this film shit, coz i really can not believe they fucked up a film that has the potential of being fucking amazing!!
*cry!!*
Believe it Michelle, its fucking bad, very fucking bad!
Man gutted, I really wanted to see this film. And I thought The Village was fucking shit too. Sixth Sense is the only good one you listed
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