Total Recall Review

Click to enlargeOk here it is folks after the big fat wobbly that hideous wanker Mr Fucking "cry baby" Off threw I thought I'd better write a review for Mr Arnie.

This movie is certainly one of his greatest efforts and is an awesome watch. The best moment obviously being the moment when the bird in the bar whips open her top to reveal 3 motherfucking big breasts. Goddamn that would be fun, the only way to improve her would be to make her a mute as well. Then she might be perfect!

Arnie plays Douglas Quaid who is having dreams about Mars (not the chocolate like all you fatties out there) and decides to embark on a journey over there to see what the fuck is going on in his head. Mars looks fucking cool and I wish NASA would pull it's fat finger out of their fat fucking arse and start building colonies on that planet so I could go and move there and get the fuck away from Mr Fuck Off coz I hate him and he smells of old man piss half the time (I say half the time, I mean always).

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The plot of this story is actually brilliant and I won't go into it in detail in case you are actually you are a loser and haven't actually seen one of Arnie's greatest works. What makes this film stand out so much is the story is quite complex for an Arnie film. It's absolutely brilliant on so many levels and has the traditional Arnie hard man and loads of violence and killing thrown into the mix as well. It's all about fighting a kind of dictator and rebelling against the powers that be and fighting for survival. Whereas now we are all bitching about oil in real life, the poor fuckers on Mars are fucked in a major way as they are fighting over the quality of air that is supplied to them all and the bad guy controls the masses by manipulating the amount/quality of air they are getting. What a tosser. Needless to say Arnie goes in all guns and fists blazing and sorts out some of these fuckers. They won't fuck with him again (we all know that;s how he really became California governor too no election needed there, just Arnie giving it large and dishing out pain). The acting, special effects and script are amazing and I can't find any faults with them whatsoever, one of the best films around, and I mena of all films not just Schwarzenegger's.

The film ends in a happy ending, or does it! Was it all real or a dream.......like I said, quite complex and surprisingly deep for one of the Schwarzenegger films (except the part with the 3 titted women, not exactly deep and meaningful!) and a definite must watch for everyone. It has aged brilliantly well and can be enjoyed through repeated watchings and you always notice more and more about the story each time you watch it (that's if you can get past the 3 titted bird without pausing it and knocking one out, I actually doubt whether Mr Fuck Off has actually seen the rest of the film past that point).

3 tits are better than 2 out of 5