Predator Review

Click to enlargeThere I was wondering what the fuck to put into DMs Kick Ass movies next when I noticed Mr Fuck Off was having an Arnie week so I thought what fucking better kick ass Arnie movie is there than Predator! I hear some of you say Commando or Conan but you're all so fucking wrong. Why? Because in Predator the Austrian Oak kicks the fucking ass of a mean and ugly motherfucker of an alien! 

Arnie plays Dutch leader of a special forces unit sent into a central American country to rescue hostages held by a guerilla force. But lurking in the jungle is an unseen alien force who hunts for fun. That is the story. No poncing around with this mother of a movie. From the moment Dutch and Dillon (Carl Weathers) grasp hands in a midair arm wrestle you just want to be as fucking hard as these fuckers. Well I did when I first saw this when it was released in 1987. Now I haven't got the fucking energy or the steroids. A quick raid and all the guerillas are dead but this is just to get the juices flowing.

Click to enlargeOnce our alien starts picking them off the real fucking action begins. With special effects that still don't look to bad today this was just one of the best action movies around. Our Predator in question has chameleon type abilities and a selection of weapons to make a London gang member jealous. Blending in and out of the jungle it goes to war on these fuckers and tears them into tiny little strips. Now rumour has it that Jean Claude Van Damme was originally in line to play the title role but thank fuck he's a whinging Belgian twat and complained about Stan Winstons creature design so the role went to Kevin Peter Hall instead. Now I believe this is one of the main reasons Predator worked.

Think about it Arnies a big fucker but KPH was over 7 foot tall (he's sadly no longer with us) so when they have their final showdown you believe Arnies facing down against a big fucking mean alien. Now imagine it was JCVD in that suit. Go on really imagine it. What the fuck! Are you fucking gay, imagining Arnie and JCVD mud wrestling. You fucking fags.

This movie just ticks all the boxes. Violence, big guns (look out for the helicopter gun sequence. I fucking want me one of those), blood, guts, fist fights and the most fucking ridiculous ending ever, but you still fucking cheer. This movie really does kick ass. If you haven't seen Predator then you're either 12 so fuck off to the Harry Potter fan sites, or a girl and you can fuck off as well. No really if you haven't you should hang your head in shame and cut your own ears off with those safety scissors they give you at nursery school.

This to me is Arnies fucking ultimate kick ass movie and I fucking love it as much now as I did 20 years ago.

Arnie kicks alien butt out of 5

Comments

[Jimmy G]

I gotta say - what I love about this movie is that I loved it as a kid and I love it now watching it again (and again). It is a quality action flick.
One of Arnie's fucking best.