Click to enlargeI didn't go and see Death Shit Race because it looked shit, Drunkenmaster went and he confirmed to me that it is actually shit. The other day me and the wench were watching telly and Death Race 2000 came on, the film Death Shit Race is kind of based on, well that and The Running Man.

Death Race 2000 is a fucking old film, it came out before I was even born and it is Sylvester Stallone's best performance. Yeah some wankers will tell me to get fucked and Rocky, Rambo or even Cop Land are his best but these dickheads have probably never seen Death Race 2000.

Made in 1975 it was set 25 years in the future where the biggest sporting event on the planet is the Transcontinental Road Race, a race across America where contestants earn points by knocking people on the street down. The points system is as follows:

     10 Points  -  Women of child bearing age
     40 Points  -  Teenagers
     70 Points  -  Children under 12
     100 Points  -  People over 75

Okay lets not fuck about, how fucking cool is this? I mean seriously, a fucking road race where you get points for knocking down and killing people. So answer me something, if you are going to remake this film why would anyone change the central concept? Why would you replace the idea of running people down to earn points with someone wrongly in prison racing other prisoners? Why, why oh fucking why? Because you are Paul WS Anderson and you are a cunt. A total cunt, a fucking disgrace to modern cinema. Why has this guy not been arrested?

So how did it all for wrong for Paul WS Anderson? I tell you how, he added WS into his fucking name, prior to that he made Event Horizon, the perfect first date movie, he then added WS to his name and embarked on the shit Resident Evil, the very shit Alien Vs Predator and the total shit Death Race.

Fucking hell this is a tangent, anyway Death Race 2000 fucking rules and Sly is a total legend in it, he plays the angry Machine Gun Joe, the dude always in the shadow of national Death Race hero Frankenstein, so angry he punches women in the face.

So why does this film rock and why is it Sly's best film? Simple, it doesn't try to be anything special, where as Paul WS Cockface spent a gazzilion dollars on Shit Race, Death Race 2000 cost 5p to make. The effects are shit, the acting is shit (apart from Sly), the script is shit, its all shit, but...it all fucking works, put it together and you just sit there totally entertained. Who is going to get killed next? Who is going to win the race? How many more tit shots are we going to get?

There are so many classic moments in this film that I can't be fucked to name them, just go and buy this fucking film before I punch you square in the jaw, or go to Wikipedia and read about it and tell me you don't want to see it.

Paul WS Anderson is a cunt out of 5.