Finally an Avengers trailer that makes me somewhat harder than I expected. Most importantly that last bit just fucking rocks. AS Stark says "we have Hulk". Please hurry up May.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
I'm putting the poster and trailer up for this as I'm still refusing to believe that it is in fact fucking real. Now I've known for awhile now that ideas are coming slowly to film makers and they are ploughing the very bottom of hell to get them. This however is so fucking bad. It's not even Grindhouse quality bad. A film based around a fucking dance mat game? WTF! And can somebody please tell me why they are all dressed like the cast of Zoolander? The funniest thing though is the comments below the trailer on You Tube. People are actually fucking excited about this. My advice...... get off your fat fucking lazy arse and leave the house. Childish I know but I think it's called The FP because it's full of fucking pricks.
I'm not sure but this film could end up being the one that took the longest to make in history. I mean I reported this two years ago and I'm fucking way behind everybody else so what does that tell you? I'm loving this poster and check out the Palin poster in the background. Moose murdering Alaskan whore.
I get sent a few bits here and there from would be film makers but to be honest most of it I ignore unless it sparks interest in me and this one does. I love Alice in Wonderland and this looks like my version of it if I'd rewritten it in the early nineties. Bizzarely it also appears to star my cat Sox. I fucking knew that little shit was up to something. Furry little fucker. Anyway love to know what you think and fingers crossed I'll have a review soon. As always FOF promoting the little guy.
As this week heralded Chinese New Year I thought what better way to celebrate than with a countdown of ten of my all time favourite Kung Fu films. Sadly I won't be including any fat animated pandas or Belgian muscle heads but I can say that these are some of the finest Kung Fu films ever. Remember as always this is just my opinion but I'm generally right about most things. Kicking off (see what I did) are two of the highest kicking ladies in Martial Arts cinema.
10. Police Assassins (1985)
Cynthia Rothrock and Michelle Yeoh team up to bring down a local crimes boss. As always the acting is shit but the fights fucking rock hard.
Well here we go again with more of Hollywoods proverbial arse licking in the quest for a little gold statue. I'm not going to sit here and give you a full list of nominees and to be honest you can find that fucking list anywhere on the lovely invention that is the internet so find it your fucking selves. What we can do though is have a quick look at the main contenders and a couple of surprise exclusions. First up and we have to say a big fucking wow as Hugo gets 11 noms. Fuck me that's amazing and for a childrens film directed by Scorcese. Not seen but heard nothing but good things. The Artist got a few nods too and although no real shock if I hear one more critic suggest that we could be returning to the days of silent cinema then I may fuck them all with a broken broom handle. Moneyball receives a few too including Best Picture and a Best Actor for Brad Pitt. I saw this film recently and although I have no love for glorified rounders it is a damn fine film. The nod for Gary Oldman pleasing me fucking greatly but sadly I think that French bloke or Academy love Clooney will get this. The actress award is probably Streeps although Michelle Williams deserves a look in. Please I fucking beg that it doesn't go to Rooney Mara for Dragon Tattoo who's performance is overrated.
Anyway I leave it up to you fuckers to decide who you think should win but before I depart I have to ask how come Tilda Swinton wasn't nominated for We Need To Talk About Kevin a powerful film centered around her performance. I mean where the fuck is Shame in the nominations. Ok so it's a tough film but should that mean it's not up for anything? Finally Ryan Gosling must wonder what he has to do to get a nomination after his one for Half Nelson in 2007. Both Drive and The Ides Of March were two of the best films of the last 12 months so weird they were largely overlooked. As always there are hardly any big surprises and the Academy plays it safe. Oh well definately no Best Picture for A Very Harold And Kumar 3D Christmas then. Fucking bollocks.
I think everybody knows that I'm a very twisted and fucked up individual who likes films that push him or fuck with my head. John Dies At The End seems to be just my kind of thing. Watch and enjoy.
This one intrigues me and I can't wait to see the trailer but how I fucking hope it's not twinkling vampires like Hollywood has been giving us.
This will probably skip most of you because you'll be to busy watching the latest CGI induced bullshit but this is directed by Xavier Gens who did one of my favorite horror films out of France the brutal yet beautiful Frontiers. Throw in Terminator fighter Michael Biehn and a killer trailer and this could rock.
It's very strange this one but my man in Morocco thinks this is going to be good and with this cast and one hell of a fucking weird vibe to it I may even have to agree with him although it fucking hurts to do so.
Once upon a time I used to put review by but looking back I realise thats somewhat fucking pointless as I write everything on here anyway. I've been a bit busy this last week so sorry for the lack of posts but next week will be fucking different so look out and for now enjoy this review of the rather long and dull War Horse.
Ok this is the second half of my small yet comprehensive look at 2011. Now I'd like to point out that this is not a worst top five because as you are aware I do watch alot of really shit films. No this is my five films of 2011 that I was kind of looking forward to but ended up wanting to remove my own toenails with the little tool off a Swiss army knife that nobody knows what its for so without further ado here we fucking well go.
You've all seen Alive so if not you'll not get the title and I can't be fucking arsed to explain. I watched the first bit of this trailer and thought this looks pretty cool but then for some unknown reason they appear to show the ending or rather enough for you to figure it out. How fucking stupid is that? Why the fuck would you do that? I mean yes with films like this we tend to know how it's going to turn out i.e Liam Neeson is the last surviving member of his cliched party but no need to fucking confirm. Now I really can't be fucking arsed.
I can't help it because our friends over there in the land of the rising sun just give us the most mental films. If you want it dark go to Korea but for balls out stupid gory fun these guys just rock. Come on where else would you get a poster like below but Japan.
Ok so the first one wasn't the best but it was still alot of fucking fun and definately more fun than being caught with your trousers down and your cock up a chicken. Anyway maybe Stallone and co have learnt from the first one and it'll be a story driven dramatic piece. Like fuck it will it's got Norris, Van Damme and Schwarzenegger firing a fucking gun! Who gives a flying fuck about story?
Bob who? I hear you scream. Bob anderson was an ex fencing champion who taught everyone to fight with a sword in the movies. From Errol Flynn to Dart Vader to the entire cast of The Lord Of The Rings. Make no mistake this man was a fucking fight choreographing genius. Don't believe me then check out below the fight from The Princess Bride. All that's left to say now is RIP a gentleman, expert swordsman and one who should be remembered as will his legacy of great movie sword fights.
2011 was definately full of shit from final outings of boy wizards (thank fuck) to penultimate adventures for twinkling vampires and angst ridden teens. I of course saw neither of these boils on the skin of satans testicles as I thought I could find better ways to pass my film watching time. I have to say on the whole I was fucking wrong so here in no particular order is my top five best and worst of the last year. I'll start with the best and then a bit later I'll reveal my worst. Incidentally honourable mentions for We Need To Talk About Kevin, 13 Assassins and Thor amongest others but you can find those out for yourself.
That's right the caped one is also making a return and for the final time under Nolan. Looking forward to Tom Hardy's Bane but not so sure about Hathaways Catwoman. Summer 2012 is looking good but first we must deal with Summer 2011.
Finally I have been released from the crumbling Victorian institution that I have been residing in these past few months. Although I'm far from fucking sane enough to be allowed back on the streets it is without doubt time for me to get right inside your fucking heads and begin once again to see films in a different way from the normal shit out there. I must now point out that if you are easily offended then now would be a good time to fuck off and not return. I've got all kinds a shit for you coming up so tell your friends although for most of you that will be a limited number or possibly just your mum. Anyhow look forward to the usual shit plus a few new bits including my versus series of which I will reveal more later. I've also got lined up a nice little old school piece but not in the way you may think. So sit back, lube up your palm and knock one out right in Michael Bays face for making another Transformers film. Are you fucking ready wankers?
I leave you tonight with this. The Thing is a classic and one of the best horror flicks of all time. So a remake, reboot or whatever should be shit but this trailer actually gives me some hope. So night all and sleep well but most of all are you sure that person next to you is who they say they are?