Fuck Off Film's Swayze Top Ten

(10) Black Dog (1998)

Swayze plays Jack Crews, an ex-con who takes a job driving a truck cross-country. What he doesn't know is that the truck is filled with illegal guns. Cue action! "The Swayze" and Meat Loaf...what more could you ask for? "There ain't nothing like a Caterpillar engine."

(9) To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)

It's a strange sort of buddy road movie – three cross-dressers traveling across the American heartland in a shiny yellow Cadillac. Swayze is the scariest woman I've ever seen (except maybe WWE's Chyna!) "I think tomorrow is a "Say Something" hat day."

(8) Steel Dawn (1987)

Post-apocalyptic America, Swayze plays Nomad, a warrior wandering through the desert who comes upon a group of settlers who are being menaced by a murderous gang. Think cheesy Mad Max/Fist Of The North Star with a big fucking sword.

(7) Dirty Dancing (1987)

Ah, Dirty Dancing – the film every man (except gay ones) hates to love. But what's not to love: sexy dancing, backstreet abortions and melon-carrying...sweet! There's no way you're gonna get a girlfriend if you don't embrace this film whole-heartedly. All together now...."Nobody puts Baby in a corner."

(6) Ghost (1990)

After being killed during a mugging, Sam (Swayze) remains on earth as a ghost in order to protect his wife. Another one of those films that men won't admit to liking but it redeems itself with great performances, a bit of gore and a promise of Demi Moore's tits that it never really delivers on. But fuck it, that's what we've got Striptease for! "I'm Henry the 8th I am. Henry the 8th I am I am..."

(5) Road House (1989)

Patrick plays Dalton, an expert bouncer and bar-room brawler brought in to clean up a small town's local watering hole. Co-stars the brilliant Sam Elliott and hot-as-fuck Kelly Lynch. This is about as chessy as the Swayze gets but he kicks some fucking ass in this film! "Pain don't hurt."

(4) Red Dawn (1984)

Currently being touted for a remake (fuckin' leave it!), Russian and Cuban forces invade the U.S. and "kick-off" against the inhabitants of a small town. Their only chance of hope is a group of teens who escape and plan a counterattack. Swayze stars along side Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Harry Dean Stanton and Lea Thompson. "C'mon! We're all going to die, die standing up!"

(3) The Outsiders (1983)

Directed by Francis Ford Coppola, The Outsiders started the careers of some of hollywood's biggest names: C. Thomas Howell, Tom Cruise, Ralph Macchio, Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Diane Lane, Matt Dillon and, of course, Partrick Swayze. If you've not seen this film you deserve a flick-knife to the neck! "You smoke more than a pack today and I'll skin you. Understood?"

(2) Donnie Darko (2001)

Hopefully we've all seen Donnie Darko so I don't have to turn my fucking head inside-out trying to explain it here. "The Swayze" is brilliant as the kiddy-fiddling motivational speaker, Jim Cunningham – pulling of, probably, the finest performance of his career. "Is that all the gusta you can musta?"

(1) Point Break (1991)

Swayze plays Bodhi, the leader of a team of bank-robbing surfers, who wear masks of ex-Presidents, with a taste for the extreme. Throw in some ultra-violence, big waves, sky-diving and a great performance, you've got yourself one helluva fucking movie thrill-ride and one of the coolest films ever made! Fact! "Little hand says it's time to rock and roll."

Comments

[drunkenmaster]

That top 5 are some of my all time favourites. Shame you didn't explain Donnie Darko though because that is something I'd love to read. I love that film but still don't really fucking understand it. I'm watching Roadhouse and Red Dawn again later this week as I remember one of my all time film heroes. RIP.